So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
