There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
