I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
