I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
