why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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