Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
