Buhtt sex?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
