you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
