these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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