It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
