Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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