I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize