the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
