dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
