Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
