oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
