grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When are your genitals available?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize