I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
