I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
