Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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