do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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