Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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