Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
we're so committed to being not committed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
