Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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