I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
