is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dating After Heartbreak
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.