So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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