Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  I can't breathe out the right side of my face

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  (646): I can't breathe out the right side of my face http://tfl.nu/2qbr
  Replies (5) Good night (874) Bad night (2112)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who'd you have sex with.

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  (610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl
  Replies (12) Good night (2387) Bad night (4342)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...

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  (386): Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland... http://tfl.nu/taw4
  Replies (9) Good night (5864) Bad night (1153)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

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  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (8405) Bad night (1478)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.

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  (616): No flamethrowers. That is a direct order. http://tfl.nu/o0tj
  Replies (7) Good night (3365) Bad night (1007)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it

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  (509): i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it http://tfl.nu/wiu8
  Replies (29) Good night (7093) Bad night (1429)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.

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  (903): I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up. http://tfl.nu/rp3b
  Replies (9) Good night (2467) Bad night (1200)
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  (714): View more from California

  Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.

  (1-714): View more from California

  This is why we're friends.

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  (714): Mandatory 420 Adventure Time. (1-714): This is why we're friends. http://tfl.nu/cnbi
  Replies (5) Good night (1926) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.

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  (978): Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus. http://tfl.nu/c88k
  Replies (9) Good night (3181) Bad night (717)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti

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  (610): We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature (610): Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti http://tfl.nu/iam9
  Replies (1) Good night (1216) Bad night (656)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......

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  (901): Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this...... http://tfl.nu/c0ql
  Replies (6) Good night (566) Bad night (1407)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  White people are beatboxing! Save me.

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  (415): White people are beatboxing! Save me. http://tfl.nu/ywqe
  Replies (4) Good night (717) Bad night (1214)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was

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  (850): Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was http://tfl.nu/le26
  Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (367)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this

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  (218): my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this http://tfl.nu/wrij
  Replies (8) Good night (1505) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.

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  (618): I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed. http://tfl.nu/wxcv
  Replies (1) Good night (591) Bad night (220)

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