Your face is a jimmy john
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???