I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away