I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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