omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is wine microwaveable?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
