# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
