i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
