He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
