North Korea, Best Korea!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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