Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
