When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize