Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
