so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
