I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
