Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
