I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
