Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
