you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
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