Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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