it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize