You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
