So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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