Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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