So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
