You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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