I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
