Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
