i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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