Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize