If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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