I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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