No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize