then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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