I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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