Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
