she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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