Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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