David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
