just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
