shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't deserve a penis
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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