Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?